


Scars

by Owl (HetaStarLight)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Scars, scar headcannons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HetaStarLight/pseuds/Owl
Summary: Alfred and Ivan both learn a few things about their partner.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Bringing this one over from my Quotev. Please note there are potentially triggering subjects implied in this story.

The warm water pooled around his feet as America ran his hands through his hair. Morning showers were certainly something he enjoyed, despite joking with Japan about only taking ten second ones. He turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower with a stretch. “Much better!” he sighed.

“Good morning, America.” The blond startled and snatched up a towel.

“R-Russia!? What are you doing in here? Why aren’t you in the downstairs bathroom!?” He hurriedly tied the towel around himself, covering his body from the stomach down to his knees. The tall nation just smiled.

“I left my tooth brush in here yesterday.” He opened a cabinet and pulled the item out.

“And you couldn’t wait until I was done in here?” America groaned. Russia smiled and shook his head. “Ugh, just get out already. I need to get dressed.”

Russia smiled and kissed his forehead. “Alright, sunflower. I’ll see you downstairs.” America grumbled a bit and hit his head lightly against the wall after his boyfriend left. Sometimes Russia just didn’t get that there were some things he wasn’t comfortable with just yet. He pulled on a tank top, underwear, and shorts before brushing out his hair and slipping his glasses back on. They had planned to go out and about today to do some shopping, both for necessary things and what ever caught their eye, and a nice lunch. It was mid-July so America opted to not wear heavy clothing today. Russia on the other hand, didn’t seem to understand he could still get heat stroke.

America scratched his head as he looked over his partner once he entered the kitchen. “Dude, you’re going to pass out or something if you keep wearing that scarf in this heat.” Russia had on a T-shirt and longer shorts, which was appropriate for the weather, but he refused to not wear his scarf.

“No, I will be fine. We should get going, da?” He ruffled America’s hair and headed for the door.

“Ok then. Don’t blame me if you get heat stroke dude.” He pulled on his sneakers and followed Russia outside. There were several fluffy clouds in the sky as the pair walked down the driveway to their cars. “Yours or mine this time?”

“Let’s take your car.”

“Alrighty then.” America unlocked the doors and hopped in, starting the engine. “Where you wanna go first?”

“The market.”  
\---

America tossed the last few bags of groceries into the back of his car, closing the tail gate. He raised his hand up to block the sun from his eyes and tried to see where Russia was. The taller country hugged him from behind. “Was that everything on the list?” He asked in a sweet voice. America chuckled, shaking his head a bit.

“Yeah, that’s it. You know that doesn’t scare me though, right?” Russia patted his head.

“Oh yes, I am aware.” America rolled his eyes and scratched his head. “Should we take the groceries home before we stop for lunch?”

America slouched with a sigh. “Yeeeeeah, that’s probably the best idea. I’m starving though.”

Russia patted his head again. “Da, I know, but if we leave it in the car we won’t be having anything to eat later in the week.” With an exaggerated sigh America unlocked the rest of the car and started it. Russia chuckled at his boyfriend’s antics. “We can get McDonalds if you are wanting too when we get everything put away.”

“Hell yeah! Good plan dude!” With that he sped back to their house eagerly. Luckily for him there weren’t any patrol cars around to give him a speeding ticket. Before Russia could even get out America had already grabbed everything from the back and marched up to the house. The Russian chuckled and quickly got past him to unlock and open the door. The got everything put away rather quickly without making too much of a mess. And that meant America trying to shove everything into the fridge so they could go get lunch and Russia reminding him they had frozen things, things that went in the pantry, and the fact that things like toilet paper and cleaners went in the bathroom. “Ok, ok! Everything’s in its proper spot! Can we go get lunch NOW!?” He whined, pushing Russia out the door. Apparently he meant it rhetorically. He shoved him out the door and quickly locked it. “Oh geez! It’s hot! How are you not dying?” He rubbed his brow to emphasize his point.

Russia chuckled. “I am fine. If it’s that bad you can always take off your shirt.”

America frowned at him and shook his head. “No. No I’m not doing that.”

“Why not? I’ve been seeing a lot of other men do it lately. I assumed it was normal in your country.” He asked with a tilted head. America looked uncomfortable, and not just because of the heat.

“Well, yeah it is but…” He fumbled a bit. “Well if I did then we couldn’t go to lunch!”

“Why?”

“No shirt, no shoes, no service!” He smiled brightly before ducking into the car. Russia thought for a moment.

“So, can people go in without pants?”

America stopped for a moment. “Uh… No, they can’t. I think that falls under public indecency.”  
\---

Of course America ordered a lot of food at McDonalds. It almost took up the entire table. Almost. Russia smiled as he watched America tear open wrapper after wrapper. He wasn’t the biggest fan of the fast food chain, preferring actual restaurants or home cooked meals, but it made his boyfriend happy so it was good enough for him.

By the time America was on his last burger and drink Russia had long since been finished and the lunch rush was just about over. “Hey, Ivan, what’s up with the staring?” America asked after scarfing down the burger.

“Oh nothing, I just like seeing you happy.” He replied. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah. You wanna go to the mall next?” He asked standing up, drink in hand. Russia nodded. He threw away their trash, which was a lot. However, when he was turning around he ran straight into America, which spilled the soda all over him. Effectively drenching his shirt. “Damn.” America mutter and threw the now empty and crushed cup in the bin.

“Alfred, I am sorry. You are ok, da?” Russia apologized.

“Yeah, I’m fine dude. Can’t say as much for my shirt though.” He sighed and shook his head. “Oh well.” He shrugged and rubbed it with a fist-full of napkins. He laughed a bit. “Well that’s not working.”

“No, it isn’t. You should take it off when we get outside and wring it out.” He suggested as they head to the exit.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“But when it dries you’ll complain of the stickiness.”

“So? I don’t like how it feels.” He pushed the doors open and let Russia go out first. “Is it that big a deal, dude?”

“No, but you wouldn’t need to if you just wrung it out. Problem solved before there is problem. Simple.” America rolled his eyes.

He crossed his arms when they got to the car. “I am not taking off my shirt.”

Russia frowned. “But-“

“I said no! Let it go, Ivan!” America raised his voice and angrily got into the car. “Now get into the car or walk.” Russia didn’t protest, just getting in. America was acting strangely and he wanted to know why.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! What’s wrong with you!?” He started driving home instead of their planned stop. Russia didn’t argue though. He was a bit confused at how defensive his lover was being. And over something as silly as taking off his shirt. They got back and America slammed the car door before stomping up to the house. Usually Russia found his mini-tantrums adorable, because he knew America was imply acting. But he could tell that this time he genuinely upset. He sat down on the couch when they got in. “I’m not going to the mall. You can go if you want. I don’t care.” Russia sighed and shook his head. Deciding to leave America to cool down on his own he turned the television on and waited. America still didn’t come down by the time dinner was ready so Russia just let the plate outside his bedroom door. By the time he was ready for bed himself he went up to check on America, finding the dinner plate outside his door, empty. He took it back downstairs to the sink before heading back up again.

He decided to knock. “America? Sunflower? Can I come in?” he asked softly, just in case he was already asleep.

“Yeah.” America sounded tired and upset. Russia went in and sat beside him on the bed without saying a word. “I’m sorry Rush.” America leaned on his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to ruin the day.” Russia wrapped an arm wound him.

“You didn’t ruin anything.” He said softly.

America scoffed. “Yeah, right.” Russia sighed and moved away, standing up. “What are you doing?”

“Do not worry. Just watch.” He ordered gently, starting to take off his scarf. America’s cheeks tinted pink.

"Wh-what are you-“

“I just am wanting to show you something.” He slipped the long piece of pink fabric off and let it pool on the floor. He got on his knees in front of America and took his hands. 

“You see my scars now, da?” he asked. America’s eyes were wide as he gazed his lover’s neck. He shakily took his hands out of Russia’s and traced a few with his fingers. Russia gave him a tender smile before standing up and sitting beside him again. America just continued to stare. “They are why I am always wearing my scarf, or hiding my neck.”

“Wh-why show me them? Why now?” he asked quietly.

Russia cupped America’s face with one hand and caressed his cheek. “Did you not think I would realize what you were doing?” he asked softly. America looked down. “You never get so upset over something so little, and so easily. You are hiding something. I wish you would have told me.”

“Ru-Russia I-“

“It is fine. I don’t need to know why. Just let me know next time if it is an issue instead of lying and yelling.” He kissed America’s forehead. America sat there, staring at his hands while Russia kept rubbing his cheek softly. “I realize that they can be sensitive topics, whether they are from wars or self-inflicted.” Russia continued. “I hide the ones on my neck because I don’t want other to be questioning which one they are.” America looked up at him quizzically. “I do not wish them to be knowing that I have tried to leave in the past.” America blinked and held Russia’s hand.

“S-so you, you’ve…” Russia simply nodded.

“Sometimes our immortal life and inability to pass gets too much. In the past when I was solitary these things weighed on me worse. I am fine now. You don’t need to worry.” 

America nodded, but remained quiet. Sighing he slowly got up.

“Yo-you won’t laugh, will you?” he asked quietly. Russia shook his head. “Ok…” He turned around and took off his night shirt. “It’s not the ones on my back that I have issues with…” he added. Russia saw the long scar running from the tip of America’s left shoulder, diagonally, and to the base of his spin, as well as what looked like a burn mark at the base of his neck. “Those are just from wars. The long one is from the revolutionary war, England has a mirrored version of it on his back. The burn scar is from Pearl Harbor.” Russia nodded. America’s shoulders shook a bit as he turned around and Russia could see he was trying to keep from crying.

There was a large and jagged scar along his stomach. “Th-this one is, is from the Civil war.” He said in a voice barely above a whisper. Russia tilted his head a bit. He wasn’t sure as to why America would wish to hide it if it was just from another war, seeing as the other two scars didn’t bother him at all. “But… I’m the one who caused it…”

“America, I am not understanding. You say it from war, but you inflicted it upon yourself.” America took in a shaky breath and sat down on Russia’s lap, burying his face in his chest. Russia blinked in surprise. Not only was he hiding in his chest, but crying as well. He’d never done that in front of him before.

“I-I know that’s what I said… Russia I felt like two different people during that. I got so bad I couldn’t even fight with my soldiers!” he sobbed. “I-I’d lash out at the black soldiers and I actually put several in the hospital!” He clutched onto his partner desperately. “My head was a mess and I just wanted the fighting to stop. For my people to stop killing each other. For everyone to be happy! I-I thought that maybe, just maybe, If there were two of me, then each side could be their own country! I knew I’d be losing a lot of my citizens, but I knew more would just keep dying if things kept going how they were!” Russia rubbed America’s back soothingly, letting him cry as much as he needed.

“I was kept away from the battles, and especially any of the colored soldiers. I don’t know how, but I got hold of a sword. An-and I decided to make myself two nations, so everyone could stop fighting, and things could be peaceful… I guess it goes without say that that didn’t work, huh?” Russia nodded and saw the ghost of a smile cross America’s lips. “I was in pretty bad shape after that. England, France and Canada all came to take care of me. Their bosses didn’t want them to leave their countries but they wanted to make sure I was ok. So they’re the only ones who knew about this before tonight…” America trailed off and closed his eyes. “…I just…I don’t know man…”

Russia patted his head and lifted his chin, giving him a soft kiss. “I understand. Bad memories are never good to be recalled or explained. You didn’t want me to ask questions, or others to stare and ask questions.” America nodded. They sat there for some time before America started to nod off. Russia smiled and picked him up laying him down on top of the bed and turning off the lights. He laid down beside him and drew him close. “Good night, my sunflower. я люблю тебя.”

“Love ya too, Russy.” America yawned with a tired smile. “Night.”


End file.
